The Marriage Plateau

A reader asks . . .

Hi Diana,

I have been married for over 14 yrs. Like most marriages, there have been plenty of ups & downs. Recently, I have concluded that although I am happy in the relationship, I am not too sure that it’s the happiness that I feel comes with a great marriage. I am thinking it’s more of maybe say a “comfortable happiness.” I guess like people in bad relationships just become accustomed to the bad & just get comfortable in the relationship. Although mine isn’t abusive, it’s a reference to what I’m trying to say. I am always willing to do anything & to go to any length to keep my marriage together…

Continue reading The Marriage Plateau at Diana’s blog, My Wingman Diana.

  • Jimmie

    This same thing happened to me. I did everything you said here (before I read the article). Now my wife decided to take the me vacation, in fact 2 me vacations. I’m more upset with our relationship now than I was when I started. I should have never talked to her about how I was feeling. It made things worse for me.

  • Have you ever read Gary Chapman’s “Five Love Languages”? Your comment about meeting halfway made me think of it. My deployed husband and I recently each read it at the same time and it really changed the way we think about things and what we’re contributing to the marriage. I’d recommend it to anyone.

  • Liza

    Talking honestly is always a risk. Who said marriage is easy.

    Like when you joined the military, you do not know if you are going or coming, but you know that that is where you want to be.

    In any relationship you take risks. When you talk with your spouse remember that you can have 2 reactions, a positive one or a negative one. Be pepared and have a plan for either answer. Do not take it personal and put a wall up because her reaction was not the one you expected. Give her time as well if she has not been thinking the same way as you (but I am sure she has).

    Remember when you used to talk long hours? Think of all the good moments you had and can have in the future. Why did you like each other? How you fell in love.

    The Five Languages of Love is a great book.

    Another book you can try is ” The Love Dare” . This book is a 41 day book of Love Dares. It’s simple. It is a book made for us to use. It is from the movie “Fireproof”. Rent the movie and watch it with your wife. We can all learn from it.

    Good for you that you have the guts to write to this column. It says a lot about you as a man. I wish more men would think like you. And never be afraid of counseling.