Battleship Avoids Naval Disaster
Message to U.S. taxpayers: your pricey military technology may be no match for alien Master Chiefs from Planet Goldilocks. Also, Navy-approved commanders would likely get torched early in the conflict, making the world’s only hope a bunch of misfits who deserve to get kicked out of the service.
That’s the appropriate, Pentagon-approved message delivered in Peter Berg’s new movie Battleship, a Hollywood blockbuster with at least a passing connection to the Hasbro board game we all played as kids.
It’s not surprising that a movie who script was allegedly concocted on the fly is a giant mess, but it is surprising that the mess is a lot more entertaining that the sub–Transformers movie a lot of us expected. The free-spirit-who-learns-to-lead plotline is as hackneyed and boring as you’d expect and Taylor Kitsch (who also starred in that John Carter trainwreck) and former Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Brooklyn Decker really can’t act a lick, but Berg (who also directed Friday Night Lights) makes sure the supporting cast has interesting things to do.
Most compelling is Lt. Col. Mick Canales, a wounded veteran character played by actual Army vet Lt. Col. Greg Gadson, who had both legs amputated above the knees after being injured by a roadside bomb in Iraq in 2007. Decker’s character Samantha works in a rehab center when she’s not caught in the conflict between her dad Admiral Shane (Liam Neeson) and her hotheaded BF Kitsch. It’s her attempt to get through to Canales that puts them on top of a mountain when it’s time to save the world and Gadson’s glowering at aliens is just about the best thing the whole movie. The scenes in the rehab center surely came about through the Pentagon’s involvement with this movie and they’re definitely the best PR that’s on offer here.
There’s at least an attempt to incorporate actual Battleship gameplay into the plot, something about the aliens’ ability to block radar and a workaround offered by measuring buoy displacement. Berg also tries to work around the “we uses destroyers not battleships now” problem with a creative use of the USS Missouri in the movie’s final battle.
The aliens attacks are caused by the irresponsible actions of nerdy scientists with beards and glasses and the science community doesn’t offer much in the way of tactical support until the end of the movie, when whiny scientist shows up and whacks an alien with his science kit. Rihanna’s part is much bigger than you’d expect. She looks comfortable with her weapons and her Barbados accent doesn’t interfere with the dialog too often.
If you’re still buzzing after watching a summer movie as ambitious as The Avengers, then you’re likely to have some problems with this. Still, Liam Neeson gets paid, Turtle from Entourage gets a (small) job and microwave chicken burritos get some awesome product placement. If you dont care that Battleship is a giant, processed, manufactured piece of Hollywood product, then it’s a pretty fun way to spend two hours.
Under the Radar is commentary. We don’t report the news; we offer our take on what happened.
14 Comments
Sounds terrible.
its a pop corn flick! no thinking please. yes, the plot is goofy, yes the lead character would never make it through ROTC, let alone to the rank of LT at the beginning of the film, yes, its impossible to get a battle ship ready to sail in a couple hours with a crew less then 1,000, and no way that Honolulu beach is deserted at 8 at night! its a shootum up, blowum up movie like the transporter movies or fast and furious. i mean come on, its based on a board game! thou it did give me a craving for a chicken burrito after the movie. its a silly action movie, take it for what it is, and you’ll find it quite enjoyable.
Dont bother seeing the movie. There plots holes so big you can sail the might mo though them. Such as aliens that can travel faster then the speed of light. So both the message sent and the aliens have to travel faster then the speed of light, since the nearlest star with a planet is 20 light years away.
SO these aliens that can travel faster then the speed of light, can only shoot at a target they can see, as in they have no fire control radar. And you think their pegs would be guilded and not dumb weapons.
Hollywood needs to be making more Tom Clancy novels into movies. Come on, its not rocket science.
I signed in just to say that no one believes this movie will be good. It doesn’t matter how much the studio pays you, I’m not buying it.
I hope there is speed greater than light…Einstein theory has been proven wrong. If you don’t believe, google it.
Watch the movie and well worth the money.
yes and as stated by ‘david” that if they are smart enough to travel faster then the speed of light…we’ll, they wouldn’t have this much trouble fighting us!
It’s definitely no Avengers-style scripting… The dialog and the acting at times was ATROCIOUS. But the addition of real Vets to the movie, as well as all the awesome military eyecandy… Definitely a great way to spend a night or so if you are a military movie junkie like me, and are tired of all the stereotypical ground soldier vs alien thing. Navy ships are awesome…
And of course, it being a Navy movie, it is so pushing the USN, and being an Air Force fan myself, I kind of got irked, but still, great Navy footage there.
Oh and the amount of product placement on this movie is astounding. Count how many brands you know.
Me and the Mrs enjoyed this ast night. It may not be “Best picture of the Year” or win an Oscar, but for a weekend movie after dinner, it was great. You want “Awesome” go watch something else. You want to watch a Friday/Saturday movie with the Mrs (Expecially if You are former active USN), go see this. We had fun, nuff said.
I enjoyed it. Cheesy, nonsensical plot, poor acting, and all, it depicted the navy decently, it was a blast to watch the gunfire and explosions, pick at the characters for tactical stupidity (going dead in the water while shooting at an enemy who’s shooting back? Why?) and when the BB sailed, it was awesome to watch. Don’t buy in to the characters, don’t suspend disbelief, just accept it as mind-candy. Although the Lt. Col was a good character, and it did give us a great line. Mahalo!
I can overlook some of the science stuff that they did not explain (like how they got here so fast).
What I do not like is that the aliens only attacked after being shot at by the military. Multiple times in the movie, the producer showed that the aliens were not just wrecking havoc on anything. Note when the destroyer stopped coming towards the alien craft, it stopped shooting. Note the spinning wheel, did not kill the little boy on the baseball field.
No attempt is made to actually communicate with the aliens. Perhaps the beam we sent to their planet caused damage with critical equipment?
I know this is Sci Fi and I am reading to much into it, but it does make you think if we would shoot first and ask questions later if we really did encounter an alien life.
Her Barbados accent doesn’t “interfere”? Wow. That’s a bit insensitive.