Bradley Cooper, whose chief claim to fame is being Face from the A-Team (which works just fine for us) and the good looking teacher asshole from the Hangover (also fine with us), is apparently making a movie. However, what concerns us is that it’s a movie based on Chris Kyle’s autobiography, American Sniper. RUMINT advises that Cooper will produce the movie alongside Andrew Lazar and Peter Morgan, which brings us to our next point of concern. Lazar was partially responsible for such resoundingly execrable gun-totin’ action flicks as Get Smart, The Revenge of Kitty Galore and of course that epic comic book western Jonah Hex.
We’d rather go to Camp Hovey for the Korean Crud and a bout of the clap than watch Jonah Hex again. In fact, had we known what we know now, we’d have opted to have our bore punched instead of watching it the first time.
As for Peter Morgan, it is entirely possible he might redeem the project from the excrementalatory fingers of Lazar IF he keeps Matt Damon away from it.
This isn’t as far fetched as it might seem. Cooper is reportedly going to star in the film himself (which could work, he might very well have the range).
The script is to be written by Jason Dean Hall, which could mean a lot or nothing. We really don’t know; nor do we know when they’ll start filming. Apparently Cooper is potentially involved in a Woody Allen project.
Yeah, that Woody Allen. We’re gonna try not to hold it against him.
Anyway, hopefully this doesn’t turn into a huge Charlie Foxtrot and ruin a biopic that could be truly exceptional. All big brain movie discussion aside, think of the chiaroscuro of thoughts and emotions that make up the sniper who has killed more men — one at a time, looking through a scope — in the service of his country, in the history of his country. Going to be hard to capture what was in a book, but if they can it might just be epic.
No word yet if Jesse Ventura will be making a cameo. Oh, and grunts: chiaroscuro.
ATTENTION BRADLEY COOPER: We are willing to put some faith in you. Do not jeopardize this man’s story.
That is all.