We talked about the onset of the Red Dawn remake a couple of days ago, before this trailer was released. (We choose the word onset because it’s eerily reminiscent of the beginning stages of an STD — given what we’ve seen of this movie, it seems appropriate).That’s right. Thor and Tom Cruise’s kid and this goofy bastard are going to fight off the North Koreans:
What could possibly go wrong? Oh, and Thor is actually playing a Marine, but don’t get too excited. He’s not a salty grunt, an ANGLICO, Scout-Sniper or Recon guy from MARSOC. He’s a trombone player in the USMC band fresh from a perilous billet on board the USS Jane Fonda.
So yeah, they’re remaking Red Dawn. Actually they already did remake Red Dawn, they’re just now releasing it. There haven’t been any real trailers to date, just conjecture and well-deserved mockery but now they HAVE put out a movie poster…it looks even worse than we expected, though in fairness you can’t judge a flop by its poster. Certainly it will be hard to go one better than the cult classic of the ‘80s, but who knows? The North Koreans might make good villains; maybe they actually survived the deadly attentions of Team America and have come looking for some payback. (Which makes us wonder…will Matt Damon fight against us alongside his North Korean friends?)
If you’re not familiar with the history of this movie, it was supposed to come out a couple of years ago. However, MGM had some financial trouble and then the studio decided that making Chinese the villains was a Bad Idea since Chinese investors might be the only people with enough $$$ to save the studio. Since the Canadians look too much like us to be effective opponents and the French would surrender to three midgets with a tomahawk (much less a motivated band of American partisans), they went to the next best choice: North Korea. Because when they’re not starving to death or watching downloaded American porn, Kim Jong-Il’s men are plotting how to invade CONUS.
Mad Duo Clear!
Don’t forget, we’re constantly pontificating on Facebook. Who are we? The Mad Duo. Who are the Mad Duo you ask? Well, we’ll tell ya. The tactical wit and trigger-pulling wisdom of Mad Duo is the amalgamation of several current and former military types, some still engaged in doorkickery, others just FAGs (Former Action Guys). They can be contacted here, over on Kit Up! or on Under the Radar. Swingin’ Dick Kilgore and Slim Call are without a doubt the highest speed, lowest drag celebrities of the action figure and steely-eyed snaker-eater world. Their commentary has been likened to a .308 op-ed to the head.