The SecDef “Replies” to Senator Ted



Over at the Huffington Post, Jason Stanford posted an article called “The Pentagon’s Response to Ted Cruz Regarding Jade Helm 15” that purports to be a letter from Secretary of Defense Ashton Carter to the Texas senator. It’s not. It’s a joke. But it’s a pretty funny joke.

The general consensus from our readers is that the troops are not about to invade Texas and that legendary veteran Chuck Norris has damaged his reputation for awesomeness by expressing his concerns about a military takeover of the Longhorn state.

The satirical version of the SecDef who wrote the letter calls Senator Ted out for actually being a Canadian and lists many of the gifts Texas has given the world, gifts that could be threatened by an armed conflict.

Please also consider there are a great many things about Texas and Texan culture that could be threatened by another unnecessary armed conflict between Texas and the United States. We like Texas barbecue. That Green Beret who carried the flag out for the Texas Longhorn football team? That was pretty cool. The wildflowers along the highways are no joke. The late Texan Chris Kyle, the “American sniper,” is a hero to many. Texas gave the world Lyndon Johnson, a staggering gift for which America was perhaps not entirely prepared.

You can read the whole letter here and register compliments or complaints below.


    Dems may not want to poke too much fun @ Texas with their Electoral College Votes. They may be Rednecks, but they are voting Rednecks! Just Sayin’

    • MRinLA

      It’s not like Dems are losing EC votes they’d otherwise have. It’s simple demographics. TX will go red another election or two and then the Latino population will have enough sway to turn TX blue.

      • Chris

        Which is a shame because Dem policies are what keep beating down minorities. It’s a ridiculous cycle that I can’t believe never gets called out. They put all of these things in place that take advantage of and segregate minorities, causing more problems in our communities and then find a way to blame it on Conservatives during election time. On the flip side (generally) the Republicans just want equal opportunity and treatment across the board, which means minorities pulling their share, and in the case of the “Latino” community, legal immigration…like everyone else’s ancestors did.

        I mean really, where do we see real income, poverty, unemployment and poor living conditions — for all citizens? Chicago, Detroit, New York…the state of California…

      • Chris

        California really just getting mentioned for it’s stupidity

      • Chris

        *its (before getting called out haha)

      • colinfoss

        Mississippi, Kentucky, Louisiana, Alabama

        Texas ranks:
        #1 in illiteracy
        #56 in education

      • puresaltA1A

        #56 in education…. there is only 50 states here in the union Mr. Education..

      • BrewYeast

        haha thanks for the catch… #46!

      • BrewYeast

        #46… unfortunately I can’t edit my comments

      • VTGunner

        I guess you grew up in Texas since you don’t know how many states there are

      • BrewYeast

        yup, bit embarrassed about that one, #46 is what I meant

      • wtpworrier

        Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, Tennessee…should I keep going????…One More, Arkansas….all red the last I checked.

      • Wolverine

        You are so far out of touch it’s pathetic. Clearly you have no understanding of economic divestment in those cities you mention or job sprawl which is a deliberate act by both local communities and business. The destruction of public transportation denying access to suburban jobs by poor inner-city (where I live people like you refused a bus stop to prevent travel by working poor to business parks in their community to keep “urban” traffic out). You are in denial of the decisions by local affluent suburbanites to stay segregated!

  • Leo Johnson

    Well we here in Texas don’t think it’s a joke.

    • Ol Tick

      Well being a Texan and ex-military who has served through several of these ‘huge’ military exercises without taking over a state I think fear of this one is a joke.

      • David

        There has never been a synced multi state “exercise” like this. You aren’t the only Vet. When we have a pres who does things unilaterally nothing is an overreaction. As unlikely as a “takeover” is, ignoring this would be plain stupid.

      • colinfoss

        Yes, David, the US wants to invade Texas to… um err… force it to join the union?

      • TLC173

        “Plain stupid” is taking this thing seriously. Have you blamed Obama for the earthquakes in Nepal yet? Or the tornadoes? Or Hurricane Ana? You guys blame him for everything else. I’m sure he loves the importance you ascribe to him. (You’ll probably want to look up ‘ascribe”.)

      • Guest

        Just like blaming Bush for Katrina and 911

      • wtpworrier

        Nobody blamed Bush for Katrina or 911, they just blamed him for sitting his backside and doing nothing. When he did act on both, it was kinda late. I think Cheney hid out in Colorado somewhere, in a maintain.

      • wtpworrier

        If Texas is already a part of the union, why would the President want to take it over???…take it over what exactly.

      • Donna

        Oh Please! Can’t everyone see that “Senator Ted” Is an idiot????????????

    • USA (Ret.)

      Oh Leo, Oh Leo, Oh Leo.

    • Chuck

      I live in Temple Tx and im a retried Marine, I think its a joke. 1200 troops over 7 states, how is that an invasion. Isnt the Tx Guard going to feel stupid once the exercise is over and all they have done is waste their time. Governor Abbot needs to be recalled if he really thinks this is for real.

    • Beth Graham

      We here in Texas think YOU’RE a joke.

  • JimmyD

    If I was wearing the uniform of any service and Senator Ted said to me that my unit was a threat to US citizens somebody would have to help him up off the ground.

  • USA (Ret.)

    Pull EVERY Federal base and function from Tejas. We should worry the poor folks. Then ENCOURAGE them to secede. Mexico is waiting for them.

  • Bill Coleman

    Why are you folks so worried about the Texas State Guard observing to make sure no one’s personal or private property rights are violated? I served 9 years and do not think it is anything but a training exercise. Only conspiracy nuts are worried about our Governor looking out for the citizens of our state.

    • Fred

      If any property is damaged, the US government pays top dollar. We have exercizes here in Florida frequently and we want more. It helps the economy. It is fairly common to see SeaHawks practicing dunking sonar.

  • rivrat1970

    I’ll vote for RIMPAC (every two yrs) as the real threat. After all the practice, Japan will have finally led us into a false sense of security and the Rising Sun will be flying over the Arizona.

  • mac

    Dude you just went full tinfoil. Never go full tinfoil.

  • Steve

    Wow, we just had a huge all services military exercise here in Florida, thank god we all made it!

    • Fred

      Happens all the time. A carrier battle group used the Shuttle Landing Facility as a target. Great aerial ballet.

  • minidriver1

    *buys more stock in Alcoa*

  • jron

    woo hoo davedude! It must be exciting to be off your meds.. Do you have enough tin foil in your place to cover all the walls and make a real helmet? Because I’m pretty sure a hat won’t be enough to help you.

  • Tim

    There are, already, over 120,000 members of the U.S. military stationed in Texas. They are there now, they will be there when the exercise ends. Do you really think that if the U.S. wanted to retake Texas they would go through the charade of a military exercise?
    I say if Texans are afraid of the U.S. military, let’s take the military completely out of Texas. Move all those military personnel and their families to states that appreciate the military. And all the equipment and services. Of course Texas would lose billions of dollars that flow into the state as a result, but what the hell, they are afraid of the military, so maybe this would ease their scared minds.

    • Dude

      STHU beuaregard

  • Tim

    Off you go, into the wild blue yonder …

  • Shawn McFadden

    I can’t believe this is a big deal considering during my time stationed at Fort Hood Texas one of the units I was in did military exercises in Brownwood, requiring us to drive through towns. This was back in 2002. Nobody said anything then.

    • Tim

      There wasn’t a Black guy in the White House at the time.

    • Augustus Aetius

      Yeah but guess what, Obama wasn’t President in 2002. Things have changed, and our nation has never held such a large military training exercise such as this. Whatever the government does I will always be wary of. I am currently serving my country proudly but I do not trust the government to make the right decisions with this. Are they going to try anything right now, no, are they preparing for something later, quite possibly. Thing is, whatever happens while Obama is President, you should always be suspicious. That man lies through his teeth, and has done everything in his power to divide America. Texas is just keeping its guard up, as anyone should under this President.

      • Jill

        There, there, Augustus, just keep in drinkin’ that Kool-aid.

  • Charles

    Please either get your tin-foil hat loosened up, go back on your meds, stop huffing glue, or get someone to change your adult diaper.

    Whatever you’re doing – its clearly not working.

    Stop it.

  • Charles

    We can all be quite certain that the Canadians are very happy to be rid of Senator Ted.

  • TLC173

    Dave, with all the RepubliKKKans that hate Obama if there was any legal way to impeach him they would have done it a long time ago. So, I have to believe that Obama hasn’t done any impeachable offenses, to date. If law-abiding citizens were running around talking all kinds of crazy trash, like you do, I’d worry about them being gathered up and put in mental institutions.

  • puresalt

    Speaks volumes of the people “in charge”… Big picture… states have been pushing back the Feds agenda and the additional tax payer money dangled in front of them to take the poison pill on things along the lines of the ACA, Medicaid, border issues ect… So what does DC do, creates Jade Helm to inflame the public of these states so that they can be ridiculed… thus erode and confuse the state sovereignty issues during the next presidential election… I don’t know why people would be concerned about it…. the civilian population dwarfs the size of the military and out guns it too… given the amount of vets and active duty who would resist such an idea… it would be a short lived moment for the Fed Gov to do such a thing period..

    • Ron Loken

      Here, here. I believe you are absolutely right.

  • Robert

    Switch to de-cafe Dude… You’ve gone round the bend!

  • txkboy

    At least get it right. It’s the Lone Star state. Not Longhorn state. Maybe the author should have stepped foot in the state before being condescending.

  • wtpworrier

    Ted Cruz is a joke himself…send him back to Mexico.

    • Barry

      Interesting commentary, “Poor folk!” The texas economy is ranked 12 th in the world…

    • Barry

      I thought Cruz was of Cuban descent… My bad

  • Mr Disabled Veteran

    OMG! We have been invaded so many times in the state of Arizona over the last few years. They left millions of dollars in thier wake. I just wonder if most Texans think this is ridiculous of thier right wing conservatives. Maybe they to do some trimming or better yet let us do some trimming. Every state contributes thier share to keep the nation safe. Are you aware that Texas acually receives more federal money than it pays? That’s our money! If they don’t appreciate our help in keeping the nation free, then I say, seceed and go back to Mexico…lol. Oh, and by the way Mr Cruz……if you EVER told me to my face that the military was invading Texas, uniform or not, I would be so insulted that I would punch your face. What an insult to any military member that has SWORN to protect the nation of which Texas is still a part.

  • Danna

    As a Texan, I love the satire. Too bad the Secretary didn’t do it himself!

  • Barry

    I don’t know why bother to read this garbage. Some folks need to get their facts straight…