Over at the Huffington Post, Jason Stanford posted an article called “The Pentagon’s Response to Ted Cruz Regarding Jade Helm 15” that purports to be a letter from Secretary of Defense Ashton Carter to the Texas senator. It’s not. It’s a joke. But it’s a pretty funny joke.
The general consensus from our readers is that the troops are not about to invade Texas and that legendary veteran Chuck Norris has damaged his reputation for awesomeness by expressing his concerns about a military takeover of the Longhorn state.
The satirical version of the SecDef who wrote the letter calls Senator Ted out for actually being a Canadian and lists many of the gifts Texas has given the world, gifts that could be threatened by an armed conflict.
Please also consider there are a great many things about Texas and Texan culture that could be threatened by another unnecessary armed conflict between Texas and the United States. We like Texas barbecue. That Green Beret who carried the flag out for the Texas Longhorn football team? That was pretty cool. The wildflowers along the highways are no joke. The late Texan Chris Kyle, the “American sniper,” is a hero to many. Texas gave the world Lyndon Johnson, a staggering gift for which America was perhaps not entirely prepared.
You can read the whole letter here and register compliments or complaints below.